No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am spending my child support on dildos
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
