My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
