I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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