oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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