He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
