some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
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