I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
