i need an iv and a liver transplant
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
