Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
