I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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