its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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