The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
