I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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