There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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