Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
