I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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