Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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