9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
