I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Be still, my beating vagina.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
