I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
