Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
