YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Come home... Iām drinking and playing with knives
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