While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
