I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
