He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
