yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
