got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
