why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
