New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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