call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
