How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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