no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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