I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
