where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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