god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize