One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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