your room smells of hookers.
And success
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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