Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
worst night to have a conscience
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
