All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
