Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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