just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
