He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
