i came on her dog
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize