3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
