she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
