Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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