one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We named our party play list daddy issues
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize