you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
