is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
