i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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