she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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