Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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