Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize