if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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