I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
