Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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