I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
