I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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