We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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