She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
