Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
