Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
