apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
