Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
