i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
