we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
