I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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