Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
