I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
