Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
