this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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