can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
