Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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