I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
