You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
