Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
