Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
