Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
