well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
