I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
