1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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