Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
