I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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