You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
