I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
