I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
