I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize