The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
